2009 brings many memories to me, some are good whilst others are not so. The one which I hope will remain as a memory and something of a history to me is my illness...
In my line of job, being able to have meals regularly and enjoy them would be heavenly. However, that is not the case...well, not for me at least. I leave home very early in the morning often to catch up with the first slot of my lesson. Otherwise, it is to do some other routine work namely the managerial side of it. Having complete that, I go straight to class and food will be the last thing on my mind till I finish the lesson and most of the time it will be almost lunchtime (something like breakfast turns brunch!) before I am able to have my food. Day in day out, it has become such a routine to me. I learn to ignore the hunger pangs I have by saying to myself”...hang on babe, just a little bit more!”
The first symptom (I would rather call it a blow, as that serves me right!) that came to me was in the middle of the night when I had this stabbing pain right under my left breast and it went to the back. It really woke me from my sleep and I was thinking what on earth could it be? Again, being ‘positive’ in that sense, I dismissed it as something which wasn’t that serious...’angin’ maybe?
However, despite going through the initial stage of what I assumed as normal symptoms of gastritis, I went on with my daily schedule of work which became more hectic. Again, having food on time and of the right kind was the least of my concern. To me, meeting deadlines and getting ready for my lessons were central in my life at that point. Heck! What was I doing to my body? Well, I was practically abusing it, so to speak!...and the worst thing is, I didn’t realize I was doing it for years perhaps. Thus, the disease was slowly building up and it was a matter of time before I discovered it was going to be the biggest nightmare of my life.
People kept saying that it was a common case of gastritis so it was ok. I lived with that notion for a good several months and again consuming myself in my work. Gosh, now I know how people can overlook symptoms which are staring right into their eyes by simply saying and thinking these symptoms will go away eventually. It’s only a matter of time. Nope, it’s a matter of time before it becomes more serious and untreatable. Now I wouldn’t even want to look back at the possibility of what might have happened had I not got treatment on time...
At this point the kind of symptoms I was having were like indigestion, gas, belching, heartburn, bloating, abdominal discomfort...well, bottom line is I had to endure one symptom or another on a daily basis. I even noticed I couldn’t eat spicy food especially the ‘cili kecil’...gosh, that’s disastrous! Now, how can a Malay like myself not being able to take small chillies? It doesn’t make sense. That’s part of our daily diet! And that is actually bad and something I should have accepted as serious and needs due attention. So I started looking for more information about these symptoms in the internet. The disease is called GERD short for Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.
Gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD, occurs when the lower esophageal sphincter (LES) does not close properly and stomach contents leak back, or reflux, into the esophagus. The LES is a ring of muscle at the bottom of the esophagus that acts like a valve between the esophagus and stomach. The esophagus carries food from the mouth to the stomach. When refluxed stomach acid touches the lining of the esophagus, it causes a burning sensation in the chest or throat called heartburn. The fluid may even be tasted in the back of the mouth, and this is called acid indigestion. Occasional heartburn is common but does not necessarily mean one has GERD. Heartburn that occurs more than twice a week may be considered GERD, and it can eventually lead to more serious health problems.
At that point of time, I was so ‘confused’ with what I felt in my stomach. Was it hunger pangs or stomach pain? I wasn’t sure at all! But one thing is sure though. My condition actually worsened. I remember it was during fasting month that my stomach problems became acute. I had to go to a specialist and an endoscopy was performed on me. However, the doctor said my tummy seemed normal and he diagnosed it as mild gastritis and GERD. Gosh, I can’t imagine what serious gastritis and GERD would be like if the symptoms I had were considered as ‘mild’! Consequently, the doctor gave me medication for two weeks after which I was totally off it hoping the disease would have been cured. How disappointing it was because what it did was just to reduce the symptoms and nothing else as how I discovered later. The symptoms recurred...
The days that followed I began to live with the fact that I had to go through my days enduring the pain which became too often now and I knew it was not good. The slightest ‘mistake’ I made by taking in the wrong kind of food would be disastrous for me. In the end, I just didn’t know what else to eat as it seemed everything I took aggravated my stomach. I was not enjoying one of the pleasures of life anymore, which is eating! I began to think to myself, “...is the rest of my life going to be like this?” It really scared me.
Having sleepless nights was a normal thing to me. I would toss and turn and end up feeling more uncomfortable. Another pleasure of life which I was missing out! Sleep. Lying horizontally made things worse as I could actually feel the fluid or acid in my stomach travelling up my chest and into the esophagus causing so much discomfort that it was beyond words. Most of the time I had to spend half the night sitting in upright position so as to reduce the backflow of the liquid from my stomach to my throat. Sleep was indeed an elusive word for me...
One night it was so bad for me that I had to wake up and just sit up as lying down just aggravated the stomach pain and discomfort. I did not know what to do as it was in the middle of the night and my eyes were actually very sleepy. At that point, I started thinking how thankful I should be to God if I could just have a peaceful sleep so I could rest as the next day was a working day for me. Also, how I took for granted that sleeping is just something everyone gets a dose of daily. Not knowing what else to do, I logged on to the internet and opened the website on the ‘Black Seeds’ and deep down inside of me I was telling myself, if this does not work, then nothing will. I submitted to God and the word ‘Tawakkal’ had never been more meaningful to me at that point.
Prior to that I had an online discussion in the form of chatting with an advocate of the ‘Black Seeds’ and whom I had come to consider as an advisor of the product. I asked many questions concerning it but did not come to a decision just yet. To me, that interaction was crucial as it enlightened me on so many things regarding the product and it was the turning point of my life as how I discovered later. That was the starting of the phase where God had gradually answered my prayer.
After getting the ‘Black Seeds’ I consumed it immediately. The pain and discomfort did not subside right after consumption instead I felt it ‘worsened’. Thus, I decided to increase the dose and see what happen. I took like 20 capsules, 4 times a day! At that point, I was willing to take in more as long as I could find relief in it as I was not taking any other medication.
Alhamdulillah, slowly and gradually I could see and feel the illness being ‘lifted’ from me. One by one, the symptoms faded over the time. It was a very gentle process and I think God has made it such so that I keep on praying to Him. It was not at all sudden or abrupt. The first thing I noticed was I could get back the sleep which I lost especially when the symptoms were really bad. Also, I can now eat food which I dared not touch or come close to in the course of my illness. That is another pleasure of life which I missed out on.
I can only say taking the Black Seeds has indeed improved my quality of life , Alhamdulillah. I thought I would never get back the kind of life which I used to live and enjoy. At times when I woke up at night feeling the pain and discomfort, I thought I was going to live with that for the rest of my life and it terrified me. The more I read about the illness and its impact in the internet, the more scared I became. In the end I chose not to read any more about it.
Now I would say I am 90% cured and I find every single day I am living now is so meaningful, Syukur Alhamdulillah. I feel so blessed. 2009 is the year I had to really struggle with my illness and in so doing I discovered that life in this world is meant to be that way. There should be a lot of effort on our part to achieve our goals in life ( in my case, for me to get better in terms of my health condition) and attached to it is an abundance of hope, endless prayers and a strong faith. I reflect on my illness as the most invaluable lesson of my life where it gives me courage, strength and perseverance to go through life in this world. It is a time to check and recheck myself if I were actually in constant touch with God. When I had to endure the sleepless nights during my illness, was frequently awoken by the pain and discomfort, the continuous monologue of “...what if...” and the fear of not recovering, that was when total submission to God was so timely. Indeed, it is a lesson meant to be learnt and it has such a personal impact on me.
In retrospection, I am so thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful life. It is at that moment when we are aware that nothing is within our control, we come to fully accept that we are merely His servants on this Earth and living at His mercy...
Before signing off, I would just like to share some philosophical words from an acquaintance:
Look back and thank God, look forward and trust God, look around and serve God and look within and find God...and how do I get the best out of life?
Face your past without regrets, handle your present with confidence and prepare the future without fear...
Happy New Year.
All good things come from God and the flaws are mine to bear...
Wallahualam...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
Food for thought...
What Montessori teaching entails…
Montessori approach to teaching is indeed ideal. We were given the opportunity to view some samples of teaching which took place in some of the western countries. The children were of the age between 3 to 5 years old…yes, that young! When they came into the classroom early in the morning they folded their windbreakers nicely and in a very organized way and placed them one on top of another. Also, they were trained not to tread on other people’s territories as it was wrong to do so. Thus, we didn’t see anyone putting their belongings in other people’s place unnecessarily though we would expect it would be very natural for children at that age to behave in such a manner. I was thinking to myself, “Wow, such discipline!”
Now, you would have to visualize this in the classroom ; after putting away their coats nicely the children went around looking for stuff to do for instance colouring, polishing a metal tray, fitting in shapes, etc. Bottomline, they were supposed to engage themselves in activities which demanded their full concentration and focus and eventually to finish doing them. They took out the apparatus/equipment/ tools/materials from the shelves and started doing their job. After finishing it, they put the apparatus back in the rightful place, without leaving it in a mess. We even saw in the video how this boy went to the extent of wiping some spots of colour which dropped on the floor when he was working. This is a typical scene in a Montessori classroom. Again I was wondering to myself “…such trained minds”.
Also, if these children wish to do an activity and it so happens another child is doing that activity, they are trained to wait for their turn till the other child is done with it. These children do not simply grab it from another child and start fighting over it. That is not a common scene in a Montessori classroom. I was beginning to think, if this is the kind of practice we have in the real world among adults, then there wouldn’t be wars to begin with!
Even the way they learn to read is very organized and systematic. It starts off with sounding the letters in the English alphabet not just naming them. Children in conventional pre-school classrooms would just name the 26 letters. These Montessorian children learn to utter 44 sounds as compared to 26! The books they read have a system to it. The sentences are repetitive and expanded in a very structured way. Thus, everything is done in an organized manner. And these are the children whom, we were told, have grown up to become amazingly distinctive leaders of the world a few of whom were the founders of the renowned Google.
Our home scenario: Malaysia is a multi-racial country with the majority of the people being Malays, which means they are Muslims. The reality being a big number of the students in the pre-school classes are Malays who are Muslims. Early childhood education is the most significant part of human education as it is in this initial stage an individual develops intellectually, emotionally, socially, physically and most importantly, as a Muslim, spiritually. What do parents want them to become when they are sent to schools? It is stated in the hadis which is to this effect : “Anak yang dilahirkan dibentuk oleh ibu bapa sama ada menjadi Majusi, Nasrani atau Islam”…(correct me if I’m wrong).
In my opinion, as a Muslim, there should be a good balance of the two, the worldly knowledge and the hereafter. It would be most ideal if a child is trained in the abovementioned aspects with no one aspect overriding the other. There should be a good balance. And this is not easily attainable if one is not fully aware of the consequences or effects it will cause if such a balance is not struck. We need to bear in mind, we are talking about developing a human here. A human who is disciplined in every sense of the word…
My qualm is this : is the Ministry of Education able to provide the kind of education which is truly needed by a child when he or she enters pre-school? When I am writing this, Montessori kits have been already distributed to the various State Education Departments to be further distributed to schools. My only worry, as usual, we are doing some people a favour by promoting their business in the name of providing education. At the end of the day, how many children really benefit from such a decision. And I am really looking at the potential problems faced especially by Malay children who, I would safely account to, the majority do not come from English speaking homes. Thus, there are many loopholes here…
We are looking at the shortcomings pertaining to language per se. What about the more important issue of developing the child wholly as stated in the National Education Philosophy which means the spiritual aspect of learning has to be properly addressed too. I truly think this aspect is not given due attention and this is something the ministry has to take into consideration when they structure the new pre-school curriculum.
Nothing is new here. As in the Teaching of Math and Science in English, the Montessori way of teaching pre-school children is just a spin-off. It all adds up to improper and hasty planning just to give satisfying answers to certain people who feel they are experts in everything they do just because they have the power. And we know, at the end of the day we have God to answer to…
Food for thought…
"Allah has commanded you to render back your trusts to whom they were due; and when you judge between man and man, that you judge with justice: verily, how excellent is the teaching which He gives you! For Allah is He who hears and sees all things. O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you. If you differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: that is best and most suitable for final determination." (Al Nisa’ 4: 58-59)
This verse therefore mandates upon governments and Muslims alike to be trustworthy over what are entrusted upon them and governance is a form of trust. Thus authority and governances are authorized power, so to speak, and therefore should not be looked upon as a privilege or as a crown of glory. Since rulers and administrators are not absolute in their authority but are subjected to the Supreme Authority of Allah, they are therefore accountable to the Almighty Lord.
The questions are simply these: are we providing the children the kind of education they really need in order to become a balanced individual in the true sense of the word? Or are we addressing the intellectual aspect more than anything else? If so, how are we better than the western approach to education? Is it in name only that Malaysia is an Islamic nation? What should our model of education be as far as pre-school education is concerned?
Intellectual Submission entails…
“…the fact that the door to Islam is through the mind, the intellect, signifies further how significant the role of knowledge is in Islam. Indeed, so much attention, as highlighted earlier is given by Allah the All Knowing, to assist man to think, to ponder and finally to decide, among others, on the Role, Position and Power of the Almighty Supreme vis-รก-vis mankind and all creations. It is only when a person is fully convinced of the existence of Allah, the Creator Lord, acknowledged His Might and Supremacy, and appreciated His Bounties and Wisdom then only will that person submit to His Authority willingly, wholeheartedly and totally. Indeed, the theme of knowledge recurs over and over again, encouraging man towards reflections and observations.”
Spiritual Submission entails…
“Spiritual submission is the submission of a person’s spiritual entity to Allah the Lord Supreme. This spiritual entity is the inner being of a person which is often referred to as the soul, the heart, conscience, intuition, feeling, emotion, sentiment, inclinations, among others. It is this spiritual entity of man that motivates him to manifest his faith into acts of worship and religious activities. In Islam, spiritual submission comes after intellectual submission. This is because, unlike some other religions, Islam requires understanding and conviction in faith as well as sincerity in worship, and not blind belief nor mere inherited practices.”
In a nutshell, Islam proposes an education which develops a human being wholly, in a balanced way, so to speak. Thus, education is a means to an end and not an end in itself as we have a duty to perform as vicegerents on this Earth.
Wallahu’alam…
Reference:
Kamar Oniah Kamaruzaman (2007). Understanding Islam : Contemporary Discourse.
Saba Islamic Media: Kuala Lumpur.
Montessori approach to teaching is indeed ideal. We were given the opportunity to view some samples of teaching which took place in some of the western countries. The children were of the age between 3 to 5 years old…yes, that young! When they came into the classroom early in the morning they folded their windbreakers nicely and in a very organized way and placed them one on top of another. Also, they were trained not to tread on other people’s territories as it was wrong to do so. Thus, we didn’t see anyone putting their belongings in other people’s place unnecessarily though we would expect it would be very natural for children at that age to behave in such a manner. I was thinking to myself, “Wow, such discipline!”
Now, you would have to visualize this in the classroom ; after putting away their coats nicely the children went around looking for stuff to do for instance colouring, polishing a metal tray, fitting in shapes, etc. Bottomline, they were supposed to engage themselves in activities which demanded their full concentration and focus and eventually to finish doing them. They took out the apparatus/equipment/ tools/materials from the shelves and started doing their job. After finishing it, they put the apparatus back in the rightful place, without leaving it in a mess. We even saw in the video how this boy went to the extent of wiping some spots of colour which dropped on the floor when he was working. This is a typical scene in a Montessori classroom. Again I was wondering to myself “…such trained minds”.
Also, if these children wish to do an activity and it so happens another child is doing that activity, they are trained to wait for their turn till the other child is done with it. These children do not simply grab it from another child and start fighting over it. That is not a common scene in a Montessori classroom. I was beginning to think, if this is the kind of practice we have in the real world among adults, then there wouldn’t be wars to begin with!
Even the way they learn to read is very organized and systematic. It starts off with sounding the letters in the English alphabet not just naming them. Children in conventional pre-school classrooms would just name the 26 letters. These Montessorian children learn to utter 44 sounds as compared to 26! The books they read have a system to it. The sentences are repetitive and expanded in a very structured way. Thus, everything is done in an organized manner. And these are the children whom, we were told, have grown up to become amazingly distinctive leaders of the world a few of whom were the founders of the renowned Google.
Our home scenario: Malaysia is a multi-racial country with the majority of the people being Malays, which means they are Muslims. The reality being a big number of the students in the pre-school classes are Malays who are Muslims. Early childhood education is the most significant part of human education as it is in this initial stage an individual develops intellectually, emotionally, socially, physically and most importantly, as a Muslim, spiritually. What do parents want them to become when they are sent to schools? It is stated in the hadis which is to this effect : “Anak yang dilahirkan dibentuk oleh ibu bapa sama ada menjadi Majusi, Nasrani atau Islam”…(correct me if I’m wrong).
In my opinion, as a Muslim, there should be a good balance of the two, the worldly knowledge and the hereafter. It would be most ideal if a child is trained in the abovementioned aspects with no one aspect overriding the other. There should be a good balance. And this is not easily attainable if one is not fully aware of the consequences or effects it will cause if such a balance is not struck. We need to bear in mind, we are talking about developing a human here. A human who is disciplined in every sense of the word…
My qualm is this : is the Ministry of Education able to provide the kind of education which is truly needed by a child when he or she enters pre-school? When I am writing this, Montessori kits have been already distributed to the various State Education Departments to be further distributed to schools. My only worry, as usual, we are doing some people a favour by promoting their business in the name of providing education. At the end of the day, how many children really benefit from such a decision. And I am really looking at the potential problems faced especially by Malay children who, I would safely account to, the majority do not come from English speaking homes. Thus, there are many loopholes here…
We are looking at the shortcomings pertaining to language per se. What about the more important issue of developing the child wholly as stated in the National Education Philosophy which means the spiritual aspect of learning has to be properly addressed too. I truly think this aspect is not given due attention and this is something the ministry has to take into consideration when they structure the new pre-school curriculum.
Nothing is new here. As in the Teaching of Math and Science in English, the Montessori way of teaching pre-school children is just a spin-off. It all adds up to improper and hasty planning just to give satisfying answers to certain people who feel they are experts in everything they do just because they have the power. And we know, at the end of the day we have God to answer to…
Food for thought…
"Allah has commanded you to render back your trusts to whom they were due; and when you judge between man and man, that you judge with justice: verily, how excellent is the teaching which He gives you! For Allah is He who hears and sees all things. O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you. If you differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: that is best and most suitable for final determination." (Al Nisa’ 4: 58-59)
This verse therefore mandates upon governments and Muslims alike to be trustworthy over what are entrusted upon them and governance is a form of trust. Thus authority and governances are authorized power, so to speak, and therefore should not be looked upon as a privilege or as a crown of glory. Since rulers and administrators are not absolute in their authority but are subjected to the Supreme Authority of Allah, they are therefore accountable to the Almighty Lord.
The questions are simply these: are we providing the children the kind of education they really need in order to become a balanced individual in the true sense of the word? Or are we addressing the intellectual aspect more than anything else? If so, how are we better than the western approach to education? Is it in name only that Malaysia is an Islamic nation? What should our model of education be as far as pre-school education is concerned?
Intellectual Submission entails…
“…the fact that the door to Islam is through the mind, the intellect, signifies further how significant the role of knowledge is in Islam. Indeed, so much attention, as highlighted earlier is given by Allah the All Knowing, to assist man to think, to ponder and finally to decide, among others, on the Role, Position and Power of the Almighty Supreme vis-รก-vis mankind and all creations. It is only when a person is fully convinced of the existence of Allah, the Creator Lord, acknowledged His Might and Supremacy, and appreciated His Bounties and Wisdom then only will that person submit to His Authority willingly, wholeheartedly and totally. Indeed, the theme of knowledge recurs over and over again, encouraging man towards reflections and observations.”
Spiritual Submission entails…
“Spiritual submission is the submission of a person’s spiritual entity to Allah the Lord Supreme. This spiritual entity is the inner being of a person which is often referred to as the soul, the heart, conscience, intuition, feeling, emotion, sentiment, inclinations, among others. It is this spiritual entity of man that motivates him to manifest his faith into acts of worship and religious activities. In Islam, spiritual submission comes after intellectual submission. This is because, unlike some other religions, Islam requires understanding and conviction in faith as well as sincerity in worship, and not blind belief nor mere inherited practices.”
In a nutshell, Islam proposes an education which develops a human being wholly, in a balanced way, so to speak. Thus, education is a means to an end and not an end in itself as we have a duty to perform as vicegerents on this Earth.
Wallahu’alam…
Reference:
Kamar Oniah Kamaruzaman (2007). Understanding Islam : Contemporary Discourse.
Saba Islamic Media: Kuala Lumpur.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
When fate intervenes...
“He’s lying still and the doctors are doing their best to save him. The swelling on the face has subsided, Alhamdulillah. A fine wire has been put through his skull and placed near the blood clot in his head. This is to measure the magnitude of the concussion and to monitor the blood clot. If it gets more serious than this then a surgery is needed. “ She tried real hard to hold back the tears as she spoke and at times I had to give her time to compose herself and find the right words to say. I just wished I was there to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright, InsyaAllah. This is indeed a test on her ‘iman’.
She is my closest cousin sister and the only female cousin I have on my mother’s side. A very humble person though she has high qualification and comes from a prominent family. They met when they were studying in London and even when he first courted her I was among the first to know . We were so close that we shared almost everything . Then they came back one summer and they got engaged, if I’m not mistaken. The following year they got married but they had to go back to London immediately as her husband was doing his professional course in Accountancy. Soon afterwards we got news she was expecting and later the baby was born in London…
It was only last weekend my uncle had the ‘khenduri doa selamat’ for both my cousins who were due to leave for Mecca to perform their Haj. Her brother left the very next day and when the accident happened he was already in Madinah and most probably nobody told him about it. They planned to go together but his sister couldn’t get an earlier date.
My cousin’s husband, Shariman, was working with Sime Darby when he decided to quit his job in pursuit of another in Jeddah. His plan was to go there first and later to have his wife and children join him. They spoke of living in Jeddah and it would be very convenient to go for Umrah and even perform the Haj later. But things turned out otherwise when one day we heard he came back after staying there for 6 months or so only. Perhaps the long distance from the family was not a very good idea after all despite the good pay and what not…
So he came back to Malaysia and 2 months later he got a job offer in Johor Bharu. He has been travelling back and forth between KL and JB quite frequently until the time of the fateful accident. I was told by my cousin that he came to KL that Wednesday to attend a meeting and pushed off to JB as early as 2 a.m. trying to beat the heavy traffic jam as he entered the town. He must be sleepy and hit a timber lorry in the back. One of the logs penetrated the windscreen but it didn’t hit him directly on the head. However, the massive impact must have caused the concussion on his head . But God is great as his life has been spared. Until now he has not regained full consciousness but according to my cousin there has been good progress. My cousin and I speak on the phone as much as we can so that she could update me of his condition.
In the light of this event, I have been reflecting on the turnout of events in our lives. For instance, my cousin has even got her date to leave for Mecca, which is 16 November but Allah has his plans which no one knows. She has cancelled her trip since and has taken it in good spirit and with much patience.
I just read a book entitled ‘Don’t be Sad’. Somewhere in the book it says something like this; we can’t say ‘had it been like this, then things would turn out differently.” This is because things are meant to be the way they are for reasons known only to Him. It doesn’t mean if my cousin managed to get an earlier date whereby she could go with her brother, the accident wouldn’t have taken place. It is not as simple as that as events in our lives have been pre-destined…
Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya.
(Surah Al-Hadid:22)
She is my closest cousin sister and the only female cousin I have on my mother’s side. A very humble person though she has high qualification and comes from a prominent family. They met when they were studying in London and even when he first courted her I was among the first to know . We were so close that we shared almost everything . Then they came back one summer and they got engaged, if I’m not mistaken. The following year they got married but they had to go back to London immediately as her husband was doing his professional course in Accountancy. Soon afterwards we got news she was expecting and later the baby was born in London…
It was only last weekend my uncle had the ‘khenduri doa selamat’ for both my cousins who were due to leave for Mecca to perform their Haj. Her brother left the very next day and when the accident happened he was already in Madinah and most probably nobody told him about it. They planned to go together but his sister couldn’t get an earlier date.
My cousin’s husband, Shariman, was working with Sime Darby when he decided to quit his job in pursuit of another in Jeddah. His plan was to go there first and later to have his wife and children join him. They spoke of living in Jeddah and it would be very convenient to go for Umrah and even perform the Haj later. But things turned out otherwise when one day we heard he came back after staying there for 6 months or so only. Perhaps the long distance from the family was not a very good idea after all despite the good pay and what not…
So he came back to Malaysia and 2 months later he got a job offer in Johor Bharu. He has been travelling back and forth between KL and JB quite frequently until the time of the fateful accident. I was told by my cousin that he came to KL that Wednesday to attend a meeting and pushed off to JB as early as 2 a.m. trying to beat the heavy traffic jam as he entered the town. He must be sleepy and hit a timber lorry in the back. One of the logs penetrated the windscreen but it didn’t hit him directly on the head. However, the massive impact must have caused the concussion on his head . But God is great as his life has been spared. Until now he has not regained full consciousness but according to my cousin there has been good progress. My cousin and I speak on the phone as much as we can so that she could update me of his condition.
In the light of this event, I have been reflecting on the turnout of events in our lives. For instance, my cousin has even got her date to leave for Mecca, which is 16 November but Allah has his plans which no one knows. She has cancelled her trip since and has taken it in good spirit and with much patience.
I just read a book entitled ‘Don’t be Sad’. Somewhere in the book it says something like this; we can’t say ‘had it been like this, then things would turn out differently.” This is because things are meant to be the way they are for reasons known only to Him. It doesn’t mean if my cousin managed to get an earlier date whereby she could go with her brother, the accident wouldn’t have taken place. It is not as simple as that as events in our lives have been pre-destined…
Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya.
(Surah Al-Hadid:22)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
It has been such a long time since I last wrote...
Assalamu'alaikum,
I owe a friend some journal entries which I would say are long overdue! How I wish I had more time to write so that I could put my thoughts on paper. Well, now would be a good time as any...
The other day I was telling a friend about the ironies in life; how things would take a complete different turning when we least expect it. And more often than not, these very events cause us to reflect on things which happen around us, the people we deal with in life and never, ever should we take life for granted. Of course, at the end of the day, we notice the 'hikmah' that underlies all these events is priceless and awaits to be unraveled. In fact, the various events (or life dramas, as once was used by my Islamic Philosophy lecturer) were meant to happen in the first place and we are kept not in the know by Allah for various reasons known only to Him. As the saying goes, "Manusia hanya merancang, Allah juga yang menentukan..."
Hmm I need to get some sleep before dawn sets in. InsyaAllah, I will continue with the rest of this journal very soon...
I owe a friend some journal entries which I would say are long overdue! How I wish I had more time to write so that I could put my thoughts on paper. Well, now would be a good time as any...
The other day I was telling a friend about the ironies in life; how things would take a complete different turning when we least expect it. And more often than not, these very events cause us to reflect on things which happen around us, the people we deal with in life and never, ever should we take life for granted. Of course, at the end of the day, we notice the 'hikmah' that underlies all these events is priceless and awaits to be unraveled. In fact, the various events (or life dramas, as once was used by my Islamic Philosophy lecturer) were meant to happen in the first place and we are kept not in the know by Allah for various reasons known only to Him. As the saying goes, "Manusia hanya merancang, Allah juga yang menentukan..."
Hmm I need to get some sleep before dawn sets in. InsyaAllah, I will continue with the rest of this journal very soon...
Friday, July 3, 2009
My Gold Coast Trip...
I can't remember the last time I had a real break from work. Well, maybe it was way back in 2002. My sister was still working in New York so my other sister, her husband and I decided to pay her a visit before she came back to Malaysia for good. We had a real nice time there despite the cold weather of winter. We even experienced snow when we were there. Imagine waking up the next morning and seeing the whole ground covered with snow. Such a splendid view! But brrrrr on certain days, the temperature even went down to almost 0 degree! Apart from my experience when I was studying in Scotland, that was the next coldest place!
Let's see...how did Gold Coast come about? Again, the same sister who I went to New York with, decided her daughter needed a break from her work too. My niece is an accountant with Amanah Raya Berhad and she needed a roommate for the trip . Knowing that I have a knack for travelling, she invited me to come along. Well, why not? I couldn't find a better time to go for a holiday and this would be a good opportunity. Moreover, I've never been to 'Down Under'. It would be fun, I'm sure.
It would be winter in Australia at this time of the year. Right, the next question would be what proper clothings to bring? hehe, after all it was winter! On the contrary, later I was told by many people who had been there at just about this time of the year that the weather would not be that cold, especially at Gold Coast. In the end I only brought some clothes which I figured would suit a 'mild winter'. Anyway, I managed to borrow most of the clothes from my sister because she travels abroad extensively and she has a large collection of clothes for whatever season! One problem out of the way...(hehe, the implication is I could use the money for shopping instead!)
The flight to Brisbane (pronounced 'Brizburn') took about 9 hours or so. We were in transit at Sydney for one hour before we headed to Brisbane. By the time we arrived at Brisbane it was quite late at night. We were taken by the hotel transport to Gold Coast which took us approximately 1 hour 15 mins. It was night time so we could not see Brisbane clearly as we could during day time. Moreover, we were so exhausted by the long hours on the plane so we sort of dozed off occasionally during the drive. The driver spoke in the Australian accent which to me was interesting. I like conversing with native speakers of English because I could at least pick up some of the conversational skills in English. It is important to someone like me because I teach English Language. It is not every day that I can get the opportunity to communicate with a native speaker of English....
Finally we arrived at the hotel and it was well past midnight. We were welcomed by the hotel staff and once we got into our rooms we straight away went to bed as we needed a proper sleep to make up for the much discomfort on the plane.
Not knowing what time Subuh would be, I put my handphone alarm at 6.30 a.m. But alas! When I woke up , I could see that the sun was shining brightly. Oh yes, how could I forget? It's winter and so the days are shorter. This is something I discovered when I was studying in the UK...So hurriedly, I took my ablution (which by the way, the water was quite cold in the morning) and performed my Subuh prayer. Doing all this reminded me very much of Scotland in winter but of course it was much colder than this. So coming back to the 'shorter days' thing, by 6.30 am the sun was already shining and at 5.00 pm it was already maghrib.
On the first day, we decided to go to the SeaWorld, which by the way, is a theme park. It was a bit away from town and we were taken there by the travel agency driver. There were many people at the SeaWorld and the weather was in fact quite mild. There was sunshine but it was chilly too. Unlike, Scotland whereby winter would mean quite gloomy days, much less to see sunshine. Indeed, winter in Gold Coast gave me a different definition to the word. The Australians were going around in T-shirts and pants that made me wonder if it was winter at all! Interesting indeed and that was something I learnt when I was there.
At the Seaworld theme park you can see roller coasters, trains and one can even go on a helicopter ride to get a view of gold coast. There are certain 'stations' or shows that you can view and the tickets are already included as you pay at the entrance. Anyway, we decided to follow the biggest crowd and it was a show everyone was waiting for...the dolphin show. It was indeed a good performance by the dolphins and their trainers. It made me wonder how such animals could be trained to such perfection...
Our next station was the seal performance. Imagine the seals acting in an investigation 'drama' entitled 'The Fish Detectives' with human beings! It was simply impressive and so entertaining.
...there is still a lot I want to write but time does not permit me now. So I will continue with the rest of my journal at some other time, insyaAllah.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Biggest Price I had to Pay
The Demands of My Work and A Price I have to Pay…
Going to work, coming back from work, meeting deadlines, doing heaps of paperwork, etc. Day in, day out in has become such a routine that I have taken it for granted. What is sadder, at times I take people for granted too. The routine has become mechanical to me. I rush for time and to a certain extent I develop gastritis because I take my meals as and when I feel it necessary… at my own time, not what is required by my stomach. I’ve even learnt to abuse myself.
Work has become highly demanding and I see myself getting deeper into fulfilling the demands. I could feel it has become such madness but I just have to go with the flow. I know and I have heard and read somewhere it says ‘a third of our time should be for work, a third for us to give ourselves a rest and the remaining time for us to perform ibadah’ (or something along that line). But slowly I see myself devoting like 60% for work, 15% for ibadah and 25% for rest. It is hardly the kind of ratio that Islam proposes! Without realizing it, I have been doing this for years. But Alhamdulillah, I still make it a point to perform my obligatory prayers five times a day though I have to admit, at times or rather most of the time when I am at work, it would be towards the end of the prayer time and it has become a routine to me again. Subhanallah, I am not improving myself in terms of my commitment to Allah.
What about my obligation to others? Have I fulfilled it? Two months back a colleague of mine met with an accident which nearly cost his life. Again, I was too wrapped up in work that I did not manage to visit him when he was first warded in the hospital. However, when I finally did manage to find time to visit him one afternoon, the nurses told me that he was just taken to HUKM that morning! Well, I had the intention of visiting him and that should account for ‘niat’ but it it was unjustifiable…Later that day, I was telling myself ‘What is becoming of me?’ Is this the kind of social obligation I am portraying now? And it should start small scale for instance, establishing brotherhood of Islam among collegues at work before venturing into something bigger like the society at large…
The Biggest Price I Had to Pay…
Gosh, look at me! I am almost invincible. Just a few days before going to Kuala Lumpur I left an offliner for an online acquaintance saying that I would be heading to KL that day for an important ‘tahlil’ conducted by my uncle and that two days later I would be heading to Ipoh to attend yet another meeting, bla, bla, bla…I was proudly telling him my weekly itinerary . It was like I was the most important person in the whole world! At the end of the message, I even asked him ‘How did you find time to write?’…I was becoming arrogant, even.
Anyway, the very next morning again I was racing against time when I was due for my part time tutorial meeting. As I said earlier, I have taken so many things for granted in my life, including my auto journey. Karak Highway is no new route to me. I have been travelling along the road for years. But that morning destiny had intervened. The fact that I was ‘called’ to go to KL was in fact predestined. The incident or rather accident which took place afterwards altered my life (or my whole being) in a way I could never imagine…
I was going uphill actually as I was approaching Genting Sempah tunnel but this particular stretch was going downhill. That was where it occurred. I was in the middle lane as usual when suddenly…oh God, it isn’t a very nice thought, anyway I felt that I was totally out of control and the car just swerved to the left of the road. At one point I felt like it skidded because the road was quite slippery. But there was another theory which came about later that says it might be due to my bursting tyre. Frankly, at this point that isn’t my biggest concern. What is would be our lives, those of mine, my mother’s and my maid’s. And for the first time in my life I understood what ‘tawakkal’ or total submission means. I completely left it to God and I decided at that point that if that was how my life was supposed to end I ‘redha’…The fine line which separates between life and death is just the iron railing because on the other side of it is
the ravine. Will I make it or not? Life is indeed fragile…
When my car came to a complete halt that was the time I felt I was given a second chance in life by God. It was such a miracle because the three of us escaped without as much as a scratch! Alhamdulillah, God is indeed great. I would not want to ponder or dwell on the ‘what if’s’. It would give me sleepless nights. Even at this point when I am writing this I can’t help shedding tears because I can’t thank God enough for granting me still a life to live. To me, there is so much to learn from this incident and especially in terms of my relationship with God, other human beings and even myself. Things happen for a reason. I should do a lot of reflection after this. Also, under no circumstances should I take people and things for granted. Maybe that is the biggest lesson of all.
Two Verses From the Al-Qur’an which I feel are so relevant to me are as follows:
1. “Sekali-kali tidak akan menimpa kami melainkan apa yang telah ditetapkan Allah bagi kami. Dialah Pelindung kami dan hanya kepada Allah jua orang Mukmin bertawakkal.”
(Surah at-Taubah 9:51)
2. “Jika Allah menimpa sesuatu mudarat kepada kamu maka tidak ada yang dapat menghalangnya kecuali Dia (Allah), dan jika Allah menghendaki bagimu kebaikan maka tidak ada yang dapat menghalang limpah kurnia-Nya. Dia memberi kebaikan kepada sesiapa yang dikehendaki-Nya, antara hamba-hamba-Nya, dan Dia Maha (Ghafur) Pengampun lagi Maha (Rahim) Penyayang.
(Surah Yunus 10:107)
P.S. Ironically, these are the two verses I’ve been reciting after my obligatory prayers.
Now God has put so much meaning to it…
….till I see you in my next journal, insyaAllah.
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