The Biggest Price I had to Pay

The Demands of My Work and A Price I have to Pay…

Going to work, coming back from work, meeting deadlines, doing heaps of paperwork, etc. Day in, day out in has become such a routine that I have taken it for granted. What is sadder, at times I take people for granted too. The routine has become mechanical to me. I rush for time and to a certain extent I develop gastritis because I take my meals as and when I feel it necessary… at my own time, not what is required by my stomach. I’ve even learnt to abuse myself.

Work has become highly demanding and I see myself getting deeper into fulfilling the demands. I could feel it has become such madness but I just have to go with the flow. I know and I have heard and read somewhere it says ‘a third of our time should be for work, a third for us to give ourselves a rest and the remaining time for us to perform ibadah’ (or something along that line). But slowly I see myself devoting like 60% for work, 15% for ibadah and 25% for rest. It is hardly the kind of ratio that Islam proposes! Without realizing it, I have been doing this for years. But Alhamdulillah, I still make it a point to perform my obligatory prayers five times a day though I have to admit, at times or rather most of the time when I am at work, it would be towards the end of the prayer time and it has become a routine to me again. Subhanallah, I am not improving myself in terms of my commitment to Allah.

What about my obligation to others? Have I fulfilled it? Two months back a colleague of mine met with an accident which nearly cost his life. Again, I was too wrapped up in work that I did not manage to visit him when he was first warded in the hospital. However, when I finally did manage to find time to visit him one afternoon, the nurses told me that he was just taken to HUKM that morning! Well, I had the intention of visiting him and that should account for ‘niat’ but it it was unjustifiable…Later that day, I was telling myself ‘What is becoming of me?’ Is this the kind of social obligation I am portraying now? And it should start small scale for instance, establishing brotherhood of Islam among collegues at work before venturing into something bigger like the society at large…

The Biggest Price I Had to Pay…

Gosh, look at me! I am almost invincible. Just a few days before going to Kuala Lumpur I left an offliner for an online acquaintance saying that I would be heading to KL that day for an important ‘tahlil’ conducted by my uncle and that two days later I would be heading to Ipoh to attend yet another meeting, bla, bla, bla…I was proudly telling him my weekly itinerary . It was like I was the most important person in the whole world! At the end of the message, I even asked him ‘How did you find time to write?’…I was becoming arrogant, even.
Anyway, the very next morning again I was racing against time when I was due for my part time tutorial meeting. As I said earlier, I have taken so many things for granted in my life, including my auto journey. Karak Highway is no new route to me. I have been travelling along the road for years. But that morning destiny had intervened. The fact that I was ‘called’ to go to KL was in fact predestined. The incident or rather accident which took place afterwards altered my life (or my whole being) in a way I could never imagine…

I was going uphill actually as I was approaching Genting Sempah tunnel but this particular stretch was going downhill. That was where it occurred. I was in the middle lane as usual when suddenly…oh God, it isn’t a very nice thought, anyway I felt that I was totally out of control and the car just swerved to the left of the road. At one point I felt like it skidded because the road was quite slippery. But there was another theory which came about later that says it might be due to my bursting tyre. Frankly, at this point that isn’t my biggest concern. What is would be our lives, those of mine, my mother’s and my maid’s. And for the first time in my life I understood what ‘tawakkal’ or total submission means. I completely left it to God and I decided at that point that if that was how my life was supposed to end I ‘redha’…The fine line which separates between life and death is just the iron railing because on the other side of it is
the ravine. Will I make it or not? Life is indeed fragile…

When my car came to a complete halt that was the time I felt I was given a second chance in life by God. It was such a miracle because the three of us escaped without as much as a scratch! Alhamdulillah, God is indeed great. I would not want to ponder or dwell on the ‘what if’s’. It would give me sleepless nights. Even at this point when I am writing this I can’t help shedding tears because I can’t thank God enough for granting me still a life to live. To me, there is so much to learn from this incident and especially in terms of my relationship with God, other human beings and even myself. Things happen for a reason. I should do a lot of reflection after this. Also, under no circumstances should I take people and things for granted. Maybe that is the biggest lesson of all.

Two Verses From the Al-Qur’an which I feel are so relevant to me are as follows:
1. “Sekali-kali tidak akan menimpa kami melainkan apa yang telah ditetapkan Allah bagi kami. Dialah Pelindung kami dan hanya kepada Allah jua orang Mukmin bertawakkal.”
(Surah at-Taubah 9:51)

2. “Jika Allah menimpa sesuatu mudarat kepada kamu maka tidak ada yang dapat menghalangnya kecuali Dia (Allah), dan jika Allah menghendaki bagimu kebaikan maka tidak ada yang dapat menghalang limpah kurnia-Nya. Dia memberi kebaikan kepada sesiapa yang dikehendaki-Nya, antara hamba-hamba-Nya, dan Dia Maha (Ghafur) Pengampun lagi Maha (Rahim) Penyayang.
(Surah Yunus 10:107)

P.S. Ironically, these are the two verses I’ve been reciting after my obligatory prayers.
Now God has put so much meaning to it…


….till I see you in my next journal, insyaAllah.